sophocles: (Rennie)
So in review, a broken laptop is not an excuse- except when it is.

I'm currently using my wife's abandoned netbook. I managed to get not nearly enough data off the old laptop. I have mixed but mostly negative feeling at referring to it as "The old laptop." I hate the culture of replacing technology as opposed to repairing it. I'm probably going to shell out the money to get the port fixed. The cheapest option I can find for getting the data off it is to buy a replacement battery and transfer everything to the external hard drive, but then I'd have a dead laptop battery in addition to a dead laptop. It seems kinda wasteful.

What I really want is my laptop to be functioning the way I did when I first bought it, with all the data intact, and for all that to cost of a cup of coffee. But that's not going to happen.

In the meantime, this seems to work fairly well.

Okay, no one really cares. I get that. Yesterday, I cleaned most of the house while ST:NG played in the background. It was amazing. Well okay, amazing is an overstatement. The ability to actually focus and get something done is pretty cool.

I'm trying to decide what to do with this journal, and any other blog-like thing. What do want to say etc. All those other existential questions.
sophocles: (Rennie)
The laptop is currently in disrepair. It's a lousy excuse, but it's the one I'm using.

So...

We went out of town. We came back. I discovered that on meds I enjoy reading again. William Shakespeare's Star Wars. Great book. Good read. I really want to do a staged reading of some excerpts.

More to follow. Probably. Still writing. Nap now.
sophocles: (Rennie)
So I took Easter off... And the monday after. For reasons. I blame spotty internet.

I'm reminded of the video diary I attempted to keep a few years ago. It was originally  a Thing-A-Day. When I started it someone remarked, "I look forward to the five things you actually finish."

Yeah, turns out. Four days in a row most weeks is doing really well.

Random things I've learned this week.
If you think you might need a hoodie, sweater, or hat in any combination, you almost certainly will.

.
Yeah, that's probably it.
sophocles: (Rennie)
And now we're at Four.

Nothing new to say. Still not as productive I'd like. But it's getting better. 
sophocles: (Rennie)
Day Four of consistently updating my Livejournal, and my continued experiment in productivity, and focus.

I seem to have developed at least a routine. Wake up. Take meds, Update journal. Attempt to write. Remember to shower, and eat something.
Well the writing gets done. It's the finishing that doesn't happen yet. Lately it's just essays and brain doodles.
My wife is sick with a sinus this week. It's not great timing. While she's napping I decided to go to QT for a diet Coke and ended up at Starbucks for a change of scenery, Black coffee seems to intensify the effect of the medication in a very predictable and pleasant way. The fact that Starbucks in KC don't carry fruit is irksome,
In addition to the new meds, I'm now exactly on the diabetic side of the diabetic/not-diabetic line. It actually sounds worse than it is. Literally, I was within one point of being "not quite diabetic." The end result is that I'm eating a lot better. My appetite is also greatly reduced, and the doctor assures me that losing weight will go along way in resolving the issue.  Curiously, I just discovered that QT Buffalo chicken logs are now disgusting. I mean I'm pretty sure they were disgusting before, but now I'm actually conscious of this fact.

I think I shall find a salad.
sophocles: (Rennie)
Day three.
 I now offically wonder when I'm going to stop counting.

Getting up out of bed, and intending to do stuff is easier.

I'm going through old photographs. I stumbled on some video diaries from when I really wanted to be Ze Frank- or John Green really, but I didn't know who that was yet. The material is pretty good. The editing is okay. The delivery is better that I expected- at least with the one video I liked. At least one of the others reminded me that it's a good idea that I'm doing this whole adderal thing.

And then there are the pictures. When I first got a camera phone, I was oddly if only sporatically obessed with photographing things. Kinda like hipsters taking pictures of their food, but with everything. I still do this from time to time, and my wife hates it, but what could my attention to these particular photos is that they might actually be good- or at least composed well.

Like many things I wonder if I shouldn't have stuck with it, and really dove in deep as opposed to the absent minded dabbling I tend to do.

I think I never got over that leap from doing stuff that sucks to doing stuff that's awesome. I never got over my own super critical judgement. I avoid things I suck at, but when you start doing anything, you ARE going to suck at it.

Ugh.

I swear I'm not making excuses I'm just trying to figure out where I went wrong and what to do next.

The only thing I can figure is keep doing stuff.
sophocles: (Rennie)
So, it's not that I never write in this journal It's that I never finish writing what I mean to write.

It's Christmas time. Actually, it's Advent, but only a handful of people make the distinction any more, and well I only mention it because I am that guy.

Life moves on. I'm married. I live in Missouri. I'm 40. In the grand scheme of things, these are relavtively new things.

More later...
sophocles: (Rennie)
I go for months without out posting and true to form the first thing I have to say is that I really should post more.

This is why I'm not a professional writer.

I'm not even sure what I have or haven't mentioned in this journal. I got engaged. It was lovely. There were corndogs. She moved. I moved. I live in Kansas City MO now. It's very odd. I'm not sure how much of that is my usual reticence to change or the fact that I've never lived anywhere else. Either way, I occasionally wake up and think, "Holy crap! I'm in Missouri!"

The wedding planning chugs along. I can say this because my role thus so far has been to voice an opinion when asked, and occasionally fight for the handful of things that are important to me. For the record those things are: I will be kilted. There will be a picture of Dad. There will be a bagpiper. She does not get steamrolled by her mother- or my mother- or me on things that are important to her.

It's turning out to be an interesting affair. There will board games, milk and cookies, and trivia, and Lego cake toppers over a pile of doughnuts, and hot sauce. I can't forget the hot sauce.

What else is going on? Not much that I want to publish on Livejournal. I think I've become a private person over the years. It struck me the other day that no one in this state knows about my broken arm, or the fact that my Dad passed in 2011, or any of the random things about me that you wouldn't announce to a stranger. They don't even know that I worked at a haunted house for 18 years or that I've ever attended Dragon*Con. Some of them have never even heard of Dragon*Con and that's even among the handful of geeks I've met. As I've mentioned, it's very strange.

 Things to write about:
Depression- not necessarily my own.
Idea Clusters. (No, really I need to develop this.)
FINISH THE FREAKING ANY OF THE STORIES YOU'VE BEEN WRITING ON AND OFF FOR 10-20 YEARS.

I don't know... Something...
sophocles: (Rennie)
Been thinking a lot about the old friends that I'm never going to see again, not just the one's who've passed, but those who by circumstance or disagreement, I've fallen out of touch with. Classmates and Co-workers, and friends of friends, the people that I liked and cared about but never made intentional plans with.

That guy I worked with at that place. The girl I met at a party that one time. That old roommate. Those people I knew because they were friends with my ex.

The Plaza, MMI, The Office, Rocky, WOTA, Dekalb Drama Guild, IF Coffee House, Innovox

Places and people that were once such a part of my life, that are gone and in some cases barely can recall.

They all still mean something, They still matter.

So if you haven't seen me in a while, just know that I still think about you, and we should probably catch up.
sophocles: (Rennie)
An open letter to the Attendees, Directors, and Staffers of AnachroCon.

In November of 2008, at a dinner party at my apartment in Decatur, I uttered words that changed my life. "All we need is a venue." Of course it was, to say the very least, an oversimplification, but these were the words that started the rant that started AnachroCon. In May of 2009, we hosted the Time Travelers Ball at the Wellesley Inn Atlanta Airport. Since then, we've grown in both scope and size. We went from a private party to a full blown convention, and force to be reckoned with in the steampunk and fandom communities

For those of you who don't know, I got engaged this December. I will be joining my bride-to-be in Independence, MO sometime this coming year. For this reason, I won't be available for any of the pre-planning meetings, so effective immediately I am stepping down as Director of Programming. I am leaving programming in the very capable hands of Elizabeth Corbet who has handled information and signage for the past three shows.

I maintain my position as member of the board, and I'll be on hand at the show to deal with any crisis that may occur. Those of you who have worked with me in the trenches, already know that whatever my title is, this is what I have always done. In this sense, nothing is changing.  

What is changing that we have new programming tracks, a new chairman, and a new hotel that we've talked about being in since the start. It's going to be a great year. I'll see you all at AnachroCon 2015.
sophocles: (Rennie)
So there's a few things we need to clarify first, Please bear with me and actually read this before I'm flooded with comments from rage feminists, dude bros, or sensitive new age douche bags claiming that I don't understand.

 I've keep noticing this pattern of people trying to win arguments over the internet- because that is where people argue these days- by simply taking the stance that what the other person is talking about "doesn't exist." I've seen this tactic used on everything from the friend zone and rape culture, to white privilege, and reverse racism. What happens when we do this is we stop listening to each other. We become intransigent in our own point of view, and frankly we get bitter, snarky, and mean. So let's stop that.

The term Friend Zone made its way into popular culture by way of the sitcom Scrubs in 2001. I'm pretty sure it was the second episode. The idea that was established in the show was that a guy had 24 hours to establish himself as a potential dating partner before he's put in "The Friend Zone," where she mentally places all her platonic male friends.

In a sense, it's not bullshit. Most men have had the unfortunate experience of developing a growing attraction for a woman only to be rejected in the standard manner of, "I like you as a friend." If the guy is really unfortunate, the woman will extol his virtues. "You're a really great guy." "You're my best friend" "You're like my best girlfriend." or whatever. Sometimes she really feels that way. Sometimes she's just trying to spare his feelings. Sometimes the woman has lousy taste in men and would rather date a verbally abusive asshole. Sometimes  it's just matter of bad timing. It sucks. It happens. The only thing there is to do is raise you right hand, and recite The Pledge. "I am a schmuck. I can not win."

Now here's why dwelling on it is a waste of your time. If she doesn't like you in "that way", being bitter about it is not going to help your cause. Assuming for a moment that she really put you through the emotional ringer, if she does suddenly requite your feelings of love assuming that your intentions aren't just wanting to bang, any relationship you have is going to be extremely lopsided and most likely doomed to failure.

She probably doesn't like it any more than you do. Whether your intentions were honest or not, the feeling she's going to walk away from is that on some level conscious or not, you were pretending to be her friend in order to get into her pants.

Bottomline. Be honest with yourself about what you want. If a woman is interested in you, she'll tell you. If don't pick up on the hints, she'll tell you again. If you can't handle being the Friend Zone, maybe you should stop being friends with women.
sophocles: (Rennie)

so I downloaded the LJ app.

 

sophocles: (Rennie)

It's three in the morning, I can't sleep, and somehow I'm just figured out that there's a Livejournal App for Android. I suppose this means everytime I have a stray thought, I can put it here instead of micro-blogging it on FaceBook, or at the very least it,means that I can just as easily post here as I can there.

 

Whichever.

 

It's 3.14am. January 2, 2014. I have almost abandoned this platform. It's a shame really. It was my first online community. It was how people kept up with me for a pretty long time. The old entries now serve as mental photographs reminding me of who I was and who I wanted to be.

 

Existential psudeo intellectual tripe. Moving along.

 

Real update later. Lots going on. Some of it is even good.

sophocles: (Rennie)
The Significant Other and myself have developed this ritual of going to Panera and working on whatever writing project we're working. This is where I am now.

If I've come to any conclusion about myself is that I do *need* to write. I'm happier when I'm actively creating something.

Unfinished Projects- because I need to go through the litany occasionally.

The Last Run.
Chaos
Alan and Sophocles
My Geeky Office Comedy

Non-Fiction:
Geek Apologetics or the Geek Punk Manifesto

Articles I should Write:
  Why Dragon Con might be a ticking time bomb but isn't going away anytime soon.

Why the whole "fake Nerd girl" thing is a bunch of crap.
sophocles: (Rennie)
I'm still here.
sophocles: (Rennie)
I promise I'm still here. 

n

Jan. 2nd, 2013 04:02 am
sophocles: (Rennie)
I'm still here. 

Over a decade or writing in this journal, I'm still trying to figure out the best use for it. The obvious answer of, "To keep myself writing" seems to have fallen by the wayside, as have all other attempts to keep myself writing. The writers' group I went to suffered from mitosis and the half I went to promptly died. The other half, i think I went to once, realized in coincided  with something else, and in the end failed to care because I had nothing to present. 

I can't even go through the motions of creative angst anymore. I know the reasons why I haven't finished anything in years. Some are valid. Some aren't. Sometimes life gets in the way. Somehow, the stories I want to tell don't go away. 

And yet, there are the distractions. The inability to hold a thought in my head except for when it won't go away and you want it to. I realize the diagnosable nature of that sentence.

Moving right along, Here's the Unfinished List.


Read if you want to )
sophocles: (Default)
First off, I understand depression. It's not just a feeling of intense sadness. It's not just a feeling of worthlessness. Getting motivated to get out of bed, or even waking up feels like you've been ripped from the only safe place in the Universe. Existence itself feels wrong. Everything is irritating, and harsh. You feel angry and scared, and sometimes you thing not existing at all is better than this.

But you have to kick its ass.

Okay, here's where people are going to accuse me of being insensitive, or something. I'm not saying,  "All you need is the right mental attitude" or some generic platitude of either the boot-strap, or hopelessly naive variety. You don't get depression from having the wrong attitude, and you're not going to get any better solely with the power of positive thought. You get better by going to the doctor, taking your medication, getting up out of bed, putting on pants, getting sunlight, getting  exercise, and doing the things you need to do in order to be a healthy functioning human being. In other words...

You have to kick its ass. 
sophocles: (Default)
Just for the record. Livejournal is for ranting. Facebook is for soundbytes... maybe,

Everyone in unison. "Gee whiz, I need to write more."

State of the me. Sadly there is no new thing under the sun. I'm looking for a job. I'm dating a woman who doesn't like David Bowie. I thought everyone liked David Bowie. It confuses me. Dad, as I imagine he himself would point out, is still dead. 

I've been watching a good deal of television. It also reminds me that I need to write more.

Next Entry will be a completed short story. 
sophocles: (Default)
I've been writing and then rewriting this entry both in and on paper- or whatever the idiom for this would be, for a few weeks now. It always starts the same. 

So, my Dad's dead. 

There is no way to express this without sounding flippant, so I give up on trying. Berkeley Strobel passed away December 30, 2011 after suffering liver failure. He was 72. He served in the US Army Reserves. He was a graduate of FSU, and earned a Masters in Education from GSU. He was case manager for the Federal Penitentiary in Atlanta, The Pipe Major for the Atholl Highlanders USA, a pipe smoker, an Anglo-Catholic Episcopalian, a grandfather, and my dad.

None of that is enough to describe what he meant to me, to brother and sister, or most the people who knew him.  I won't say he was liked by all. He inspired some fairly emotional responses from people and not all of them were positive. 

How am I doing, you ask? It depends on what I'm doing when you ask me. My stock answer has been, "better than you'd expect." and that's pretty much the truth. Still there are times when it's me like a sledge and I can't move or speak for moment. There's just me and the stark realization. "So..." I think to myself, "My Dad's dead." And it's not like I feel anything about it. There is just the stone cold fact. He's gone- theological discussions aside- and I'm here. I can't really allow myself to become bogged down in the mire. It solve anything. It's not me.

Do I need anything? Yes. I need help cleaning out a storage unit. I need cigars, and company. Also I could use a new job maybe in a new city. The idea of leaving Atlanta has popped into my head more than once.

But yeah I'll be fine. Thanks for asking

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